A stranger’s perspective

Notes: reference on pop and some folk music, listen while reading if you will

Human are interesting, you can caught a glance of them and roughly guessing who they are and what happens to them. This is the little game I play as a toll gate-keeper. There are so many variation of guessed I have made of my 3 seconds encounter. My favorite are the regular passer, and among those favorite passers there’s one I keep track. But first, I swear I’m not a stalker, even though I may look like one, with my hijab and mask.

With a 6 am shift, almost all the regular passer is people going to work or school. This girl is no exception, let’s give her a name, let’s call her Siti.

Siti passes me almost always at 8 o’clock. Currently she’s wearing oversized white shirt and blasting ‘Starboy’ by the Weeknd. She still has crease in her cheek and no lipstick on her lips, so I guess she has a late morning.

Today Siti passes me singing along ‘shape of you’ by ed sheeran. I don’t think she likes her sunglasses tho, she wears it but put it up in her hair that’s almost always in a bun.

It’s 7.50 am when Siti passes me with different car, a white harrier. Her family is wealthy enough, I guess. She still sings ‘shape of you’, I think she’s kinda obsessed with it. In her defense, it is indeed catchy.

Siti doesn’t drive today, her dad is the one driving the white harrier. She’s asleep in the passenger sit, looking tired. ‘Shape of you’ still playing in the background. I haven’t seen her this obsessed with a song since lion king’s circle of life first came out. And since we’re on disney topic, how come she hasn’t play any Moana’s song. Maybe she hasn’t seen it.

There you go, she plays it and sings it, already memorize the lyric, she’s indeed smart, always been top of our class. Moana’s how far I’ll go is heard through her white accord. On the back seat hangs what seems to be a white kebaya and a kain.

This morning the kebaya hangers add a couple more, with flowers, lots of flower in the seat, her backseat literally covered with it, at the passenger seat there’s so much more paper than the usual. She has eye bag but still enthusiastically sings mulan’s soundtrack “Reflection” just like when she was nine. It’s good to know she still has her child-like behavior between what I assume would be a hectic live.

Siti’s car is particularly messy today, she’s blasting some edm song really really loud, and her eyes are swollen. She mindlessly hand me her card, she never uses card with me. Looks like she had a really bad day yesterday. I want to hug her.

Today siti doesn’t drive, she looks pale, she’s wearing the sunglasses she never wear, she’s limp, in the driver seat her dad rambling about not taking all the work and trusting her employees while looking for a 500 coin, I guess she has trust issue. But considering on the old issues, if I were her, I would be too.

I haven’t seen her in 2 days.

Siti drives again, a song by bon iver humming in her car, she gets thinner but look healthier than days before, still with stack of paper and what looks like a bottle of juice in her passenger seat. I nod at her, and she gives a weak thankyou.

Today is a really sunny day, considering it has rain 2 days straight. Siti passes me, she really doesn’t like the sunglasses, it’s thrown in the passenger seat with stack of papers that appear to be less, and what look like a couple invitations with different design. At the back seat there’s a pretty big lunch box and a bottle of juice again. I think she starts to fix her diet. And the song is getting upbeat, I honestly don’t know what song this is, maybe folk or some indie. More importantly, I think I stare at her a little too long.

She’s pretty today, with fresh make up, and her outfit clearly indicated she’ll have a date today. Siti does this sometimes, once or twice a month, when she dress up nice and looking fresh. I like this kind of days. Although it’s making me miss the old days. I raise my eyebrows and nod at her again, approving her look, she smiles at me.

It’s late 9 am, when Siti passes me, the road is already quite at this hour. She lower the volume of the greatest by Sia, and hand me one wedding invitation. She smiles and says ‘I’ll be back tomorrow’. I open the invitation, there’s a post-it inside:

I know those eyes

We’re cool now,

You can come.

Ps. Don’t forget to fill the guest card”

I read the invitation, in there printed her name Siti Kadarsih, S.ds, MBA.

And the groom. I immediately thank God a thousand times, it’s not the name I know, the name of the man who played and ruin us.

I frantically search my pen, and fill the guest card.


Gayamsari toll-gate, jan 13th 2017


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